**Trump Tells West Point Graduates: ‘You Are Champions’ – And Other Things He Definitely Didn’t Say**
In a speech that will surely go down in history as the most “presidential” moment since he declared that he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and still not lose voters, former President Donald Trump addressed the West Point graduates with a message that was both inspiring and slightly confusing. “You are champions!” he declared, as he waved his hands like a conductor leading an orchestra of confusion.
The graduates, dressed in their crisp uniforms, looked on with a mix of admiration and bewilderment. “I thought he was going to talk about military strategy,” said Cadet John “Not That John” Smith. “But then he started talking about how he once beat a golf course record while wearing a military uniform. I’m still not sure if that was a metaphor or just a really weird brag.”
Trump continued, “You’re going to be the best! The best! Like, if there were a competition for being the best, you’d win it. And I know winning. I’ve won so many times, I’ve lost count. I even won a game of chess against a pigeon once. It was a tough match, but I prevailed!”
As the graduates tried to process this, one cadet whispered to another, “Is he saying we should challenge pigeons next?”
In a surprising twist, Trump then revealed his new military strategy: “We’re going to build a wall around the enemy. A beautiful wall. And then we’ll make the enemy pay for it. They’ll be so confused, they won’t know whether to attack or start a landscaping business!”
As the speech concluded, the graduates were left with a sense of pride and a burning desire to never play chess again. “I came here to learn about tactics, not to hear about golf and landscaping,” said Cadet Sarah “Definitely Not a Plant” Johnson. “But hey, at least I got a free hat that says ‘Make West Point Great Again.’”
In the end, the graduates left the ceremony feeling like champions, albeit champions who might need to brush up on their chess skills and pigeon diplomacy.
