**House Republicans Push for Ban on Federally Funded ‘Transgender Animal’ Experiments in 2026 Budget**
In a bold move that has left many scratching their heads and others rolling on the floor, House Republicans have announced a plan to ban federally funded “transgender animal” experiments in the 2026 budget. The proposal, dubbed the “No More Trans Pets Act,” aims to protect the sanctity of our furry friends from what some lawmakers are calling “the most bizarre science project since the invention of the pet rock.”
Representative Chuck “No More Furry Confusion” McGuffin (R-Nowhere) stated, “We can’t have our pets questioning their identities! I mean, what’s next? A cat that thinks it’s a dog? A goldfish that identifies as a shark? This is America, not a petting zoo in San Francisco!”
The bill comes after reports surfaced of a secretive lab in a basement somewhere in the Midwest, where scientists were allegedly attempting to create a “gender-fluid hamster.” Dr. Fluffy Whiskers, the lead researcher, defended the experiments, saying, “We were just trying to help them express themselves! Who are we to impose our binary views on a hamster?”
Critics of the bill argue that it’s a waste of time and resources. “I mean, if we’re going to ban something, let’s start with pineapple on pizza,” quipped Senator Linda “Pizza is Life” Crust. “Transgender animals? That’s just a Tuesday in my house!”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the future of our pets’ identities hangs in the balance. Will we see a return to traditional pet roles, or will we embrace a world where cats can wear tutus and dogs can rock a fabulous pair of heels? Only time will tell, but for now, the House Republicans are determined to keep our animals in their assigned roles—whatever those may be.
