**Woman Reveals Truth Behind Kidnapping Hoax in Shocking Polygraph Interview**
In a stunning turn of events that has left the world scratching its collective head, local woman and self-proclaimed “adventure enthusiast” Linda McFluffernutter has revealed the shocking truth behind her recent kidnapping hoax during a polygraph interview that was more dramatic than a soap opera finale.
“I just wanted to see if I could get a free trip to the Bahamas,” McFluffernutter confessed, her eyes darting around like a squirrel on espresso. “I thought, ‘What’s more convincing than a kidnapping? Everyone loves a good rescue story!’”
The polygraph, which was conducted by the esteemed Dr. Chuckleberry, a man known for his questionable credentials and a penchant for dad jokes, revealed that McFluffernutter was indeed not kidnapped but rather “hiding out in her basement binge-watching reality TV and eating nachos.”
“I mean, who wouldn’t want to be rescued from a life of laundry and work emails?” she added, as the machine beeped wildly, possibly in protest.
When asked about her elaborate plan, she stated, “I thought I could just post a few cryptic messages on social media. You know, like ‘Help! I’m in a van down by the river!’ But then I realized I don’t even know where a river is!”
Local authorities were baffled. Officer Bob “The Baffled” Johnson commented, “We were ready to launch a full-scale search operation. Instead, we found her with a bag of chips and a Netflix subscription. I mean, who needs a rescue when you have ‘The Great British Bake Off’?”
As for McFluffernutter, she’s now planning her next big adventure: a “lost in the wilderness” hoax, which she claims will involve “a lot of Instagram filters and maybe a bear costume.”
Stay tuned for updates on this developing story, and remember folks, if you’re going to fake a kidnapping, at least make sure you have snacks!
