**Trump Establishes the ‘Gold Standard’ in Science, According to Fox News Politics Newsletter**
In a groundbreaking announcement that has left scientists scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists high-fiving, former President Donald Trump has officially declared the establishment of the “Gold Standard” in science. This revelation came during a recent Fox News Politics Newsletter segment, where Trump, flanked by a panel of experts that included a talking cat and a guy who claims to have invented the internet, laid out his vision for a new era of scientific inquiry.
“Folks, we’re talking about science like you’ve never seen before,” Trump proclaimed, adjusting his signature red tie. “Forget about peer review; we’re going straight to peer approval! If my friends on Fox say it’s true, it’s true. Simple as that!”
The new Gold Standard, according to Trump, will involve a series of rigorous tests, including the “Twitter Test,” where any scientific claim must first be tweeted by the former president himself. “If it gets retweeted by at least 10,000 people, it’s basically a Nobel Prize,” he added, while sipping a Diet Coke and scrolling through his phone.
Dr. Ima Genius, a self-proclaimed scientist and part-time magician, chimed in, “This is revolutionary! I’ve always said that science should be more like a reality show. If it doesn’t have drama, it’s not real science!”
Critics, however, are skeptical. “This is just another way to promote alternative facts,” said Dr. Ph.D. McSmartypants, a leading expert in actual science. “Next, he’ll be telling us that gravity is just a suggestion.”
In a final flourish, Trump announced that the first scientific study under the new Gold Standard would be a comprehensive analysis of how many ice cream cones he can eat in one sitting. “We’re going to make science great again, folks!” he declared, as the crowd erupted in applause, or perhaps just confusion.
As the world waits with bated breath for the results of this groundbreaking research, one thing is clear: the Gold Standard in science has never been shinier—or more absurd.
