**Trump Signs Executive Orders to Strengthen Nuclear Industry and Boost Domestic Uranium Mining: “It’s Time to Get Our Glow On!”**
In a move that has left both environmentalists and conspiracy theorists scratching their heads, former President Donald Trump has signed a series of executive orders aimed at revitalizing the nuclear industry and boosting domestic uranium mining. “We’re going to make uranium great again!” Trump declared at a press conference, flanked by a group of bewildered geologists and a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself in a hard hat.
The orders, which were hastily scribbled on the back of a takeout menu from the Trump Tower sushi bar, aim to increase uranium production by 300% by 2025. “Why import uranium when we can dig it up ourselves?” Trump asked, gesturing wildly. “I mean, have you seen the prices at Home Depot? It’s cheaper to mine it than to buy a new shovel!”
Critics have raised eyebrows, with environmental activist Greta Thunberg tweeting, “This is like giving a toddler a chainsaw and telling them to build a treehouse.” Meanwhile, Trump’s former advisor, Kellyanne Conway, chimed in, “I think this is a great idea! Who doesn’t want to glow in the dark? It’s like a permanent Halloween!”
In a surprising twist, the executive orders also include a provision for a new reality show titled “Uranium Hunters,” where contestants will compete to find the most uranium while avoiding the wrath of local wildlife. “It’s like ‘Survivor,’ but with more radiation and fewer coconuts,” said producer Bob “Nuclear” McGee.
As the nation braces for a potential uranium boom, one thing is clear: America is ready to get its glow on—literally. So, grab your hard hats and Geiger counters, folks; it’s going to be a radioactive ride!
