**FTC Halts Biden Administration’s Bid to Block Microsoft’s Activision Blizzard Deal: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the gaming world and the White House scratching their heads, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has decided to halt the Biden Administration’s attempt to block Microsoft’s $69 billion acquisition of Activision Blizzard. Apparently, the FTC realized that trying to stop a tech giant from buying a video game company is like trying to stop a toddler from eating a cupcake—futile and messy.
“Honestly, we thought we could just throw a few legal papers at them and they’d back off,” said FTC Chair Lina Khan, who was last seen playing Candy Crush on her phone during the meeting. “But it turns out Microsoft has more lawyers than we have staff. Who knew?”
In a bizarre twist, President Biden himself weighed in on the matter, stating, “I just wanted to make sure that my grandkids could still play Call of Duty without me having to explain what ‘microtransactions’ are. I mean, I can barely understand TikTok!”
Meanwhile, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella was overheard at a recent board meeting saying, “If we can’t buy Activision, we’ll just buy the FTC. I hear they’re on sale at a discount!”
As the dust settles, gamers everywhere are left wondering if they’ll soon be able to purchase virtual reality headsets that come with a side of government regulation. “I just want to shoot zombies without worrying about antitrust laws,” lamented local gamer Chad “The Controller” Thompson, who has been practicing his headshots since 2010.
In the end, it seems the only thing that can stop Microsoft is a power outage—or perhaps a new game release that distracts everyone long enough for the FTC to regroup. Until then, we can only sit back, grab our controllers, and watch this epic showdown unfold like a poorly scripted reality show. Stay tuned for the next episode of “As the Console Turns.”
