**Vance: Trump to Employ US Military Strategically, Avoiding Prolonged Conflicts—Or at Least Until Taco Tuesday**
In a shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump has announced his grand strategy for the U.S. military: “We’re going to use our troops like a well-timed taco truck—quick, efficient, and only when absolutely necessary.” This revelation came during a press conference held in front of a giant inflatable taco, which Trump insisted was “the best taco, folks, believe me.”
According to sources close to the former president, the new military strategy will involve deploying troops only for “very important” missions, such as retrieving lost golf balls from the rough or ensuring that the White House lawn is mowed in a perfect checkerboard pattern. “We’re not going to be in these long, drawn-out conflicts anymore,” Trump declared, while gesturing wildly at a map of the U.S. that was actually a pizza menu.
“Why send troops to the Middle East when we can just send them to the nearest Taco Bell?” said General Chuck “Nacho” Cheese, who was reportedly appointed as the new Secretary of Defense after winning a hot wing-eating contest. “We’ll be in and out faster than you can say ‘guacamole.’”
Critics, however, are skeptical. “This is just another one of Trump’s schemes to avoid real military action,” said Senator Linda “Lettuce” Green, who has been vocal about her concerns. “What’s next? Are we going to have military bases in fast-food restaurants?”
In response, Trump tweeted, “The military is going to be HUGE! And we’ll have the best nachos, folks. Just wait and see!”
As the nation holds its breath, one thing is clear: if there’s one thing Trump knows how to do, it’s turning a serious situation into a taco party. And who knows? Maybe the next conflict will be resolved over a plate of nachos and a side of guac.
