**Tragic Drowning of California State Freshman at Arizona Lake Fraternity Trip: A Cautionary Tale of Beer and Bad Decisions**
In a shocking turn of events, California State University’s freshman, Chad “Cannonball” McGee, tragically drowned during a fraternity trip to Lake Hilarity in Arizona. Witnesses report that the incident occurred shortly after Chad attempted to impress his brothers by performing a “double backflip cannonball” off a pontoon boat, which he had confidently declared was “totally safe, bro.”
“Chad was the kind of guy who thought he could swim through beer,” said fraternity brother Kyle “Kegstand” Johnson. “He was like a dolphin, but with less grace and more Natty Light.”
As the sun set over the lake, Chad’s ill-fated leap was met with a splash that sent ripples of laughter through the group—until they realized he hadn’t resurfaced. “At first, we thought he was just trying to be dramatic,” said fraternity president, Brad “Broseph” McAllister. “But then we remembered he couldn’t even float in the kiddie pool at orientation.”
Rescue efforts were complicated by the fact that the fraternity had consumed an estimated 300 cans of beer, leading to a series of “rescue attempts” that included a human chain of brothers attempting to form a “life raft” out of inflatable pool toys. “We thought we could just paddle him back to shore with our beer guts,” said Tim “Torpedo” Thompson, who was later found attempting to revive Chad with a funnel and a keg.
In a heartwarming twist, Chad’s final words were reportedly, “If I don’t make it, tell my mom I love her and that I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t clean my room.” His mother, however, was more concerned about the state of her son’s GPA than his swimming skills. “I just hope he didn’t drown in a C-,” she lamented.
As the fraternity mourns the loss of their beloved Cannonball, they have vowed to honor his memory by establishing a new tradition: the “Chad McGee Memorial Float,” which will involve floating on inflatable alligators while drinking beer and telling stories about how he “totally could have made it if he had just believed in himself.”
In the end, Chad’s tragic drowning serves as a cautionary tale for all college students: always check the depth of the water before attempting a stunt, and remember that beer is not a flotation device.
